It's kind of Funny, it's kind of Sad.

Now I find it kind of funny, kind of silly, maybe a little sad
its more than just a feeling when the world is this bad
it's like when everyone uses the word- yet no one knows
what it means but the misuses just continue to grow
I don't think you think you understand what it all means
how it should have been what it should have seemed
like having no tomorrow -I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry
the way things are I want to know if there is reason to try.
but the echoes of my voices, the resounding silence run
nothing new- just the repeating the violence under the sun.

Now I find that it was just mostly pathetic- a little tragic
than the promise that my life should have been magic.
It's just that I'm a bit crazy, a particularly odd kind of mad,
 was it the best I could have done or we ever had?
People talk and talk, about the small things nothing matters-
while the world around them is on fire, everything in tatters
I stare around me at those people who have familiar faces
did I live here in all those remembered yet vague places?
Reaching out into the past as the darkness gathers around me
as my what happened runs through the empty halls of memory

Now I find it wasn't the way they said it was supposed to be
that there is more to the definitions that defy conformity
everybody keeps saying that things will get better
finding love, family outside of the fact I haven't even met her
I suppose that was to give me comfort, momentary gladness
instead of this hole in my heart, a solitary kind of madness.
Did I have purpose, did the world ever have some reason
or is it the contemplative doom that is more like betrayal or treason
Did we not trust in the goodness that we call upon from our humanity?
Did we not give fate enough of a chance to escape our collective insanity?

Now I can stand here out on the edge, on  the brink
I know who I thought I am, what I was supposed to think
it's like finding the well in the desert, too poisoned to drink
only I partake anyway, there is a message, there is a link
I am madness in a mad, mad, mad kind of world
I am the dog of this war, I am the standard unfurled
I am the fool who sits backwards on reason's horse
I am a truth, I can- at least say I understand, of course.
You can laugh at me in all the words that I am making mine
but let's see you take irony as defined in this simple rhyme
it's actual definitions in one or more repeatitious lines
it's not by accident that my poem is thus as designed.