This is how it all begins and ironically where it all ends
this is when I realized that without fervor that so many
things like love and sleep, fights and the need to make up
for leaving things undone, in short, I want to make amends.
This is how I should have said I was sorry before you left
this is how I keep repeating it in the mirror in a bathroom
in a house that is no longer mine as if the ghosts of the
memories are nothing more than hallucinations to be
ignored, or something I should have felt more for
unloved, unmissed and definitely unwept as if this is
a certain kind of something that I should have remembered
as if the darkness and the pain were worthy of being
treasured, stashed away in my mind, safely kept.
This is how i will choose to remember this when I am gone
as if all the things we argued over was worth all the
anger and all the tears, how we laughed and how you
would stop in the kitchen and shake your head and then
just sigh, whisper something like why do i love you,
and i would say that you were amazing since you always
try and then the lies when we didn't want the other to worry
and the times that I wanted to deny that I was worried
that the day would come when it all fell apart, when you
would stop in the foyer and then slowly say goodbye.
This is how it ended and where I want it to begin again
this a lot of words just to say that I really miss you
especially when it rains or is sunny, when the morning light
falls through the windows in our empty bedroom or when
I look across to the chair that you always sat it when you
would read your books and giggle and then you would grin
and i would make another list of the ten things I loved about
you as if I could stop time and look into the abyss that you
left here where we lived, now its just as if your ghost still
haunts the empty rooms and hallways where our pictures
still hang even though I know you aren't coming back
and I keep standing alone in the bathroom avoiding the
mirror which would betray all that I am feeling as this
emotion is beginning to break away.
this is when I realized that without fervor that so many
things like love and sleep, fights and the need to make up
for leaving things undone, in short, I want to make amends.
This is how I should have said I was sorry before you left
this is how I keep repeating it in the mirror in a bathroom
in a house that is no longer mine as if the ghosts of the
memories are nothing more than hallucinations to be
ignored, or something I should have felt more for
unloved, unmissed and definitely unwept as if this is
a certain kind of something that I should have remembered
as if the darkness and the pain were worthy of being
treasured, stashed away in my mind, safely kept.
This is how i will choose to remember this when I am gone
as if all the things we argued over was worth all the
anger and all the tears, how we laughed and how you
would stop in the kitchen and shake your head and then
just sigh, whisper something like why do i love you,
and i would say that you were amazing since you always
try and then the lies when we didn't want the other to worry
and the times that I wanted to deny that I was worried
that the day would come when it all fell apart, when you
would stop in the foyer and then slowly say goodbye.
This is how it ended and where I want it to begin again
this a lot of words just to say that I really miss you
especially when it rains or is sunny, when the morning light
falls through the windows in our empty bedroom or when
I look across to the chair that you always sat it when you
would read your books and giggle and then you would grin
and i would make another list of the ten things I loved about
you as if I could stop time and look into the abyss that you
left here where we lived, now its just as if your ghost still
haunts the empty rooms and hallways where our pictures
still hang even though I know you aren't coming back
and I keep standing alone in the bathroom avoiding the
mirror which would betray all that I am feeling as this
emotion is beginning to break away.
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