Are you Through?

Sometimes in the morning when I am still mostly asleep, but find
myself staring at my reflection in the mirror and not screaming at
this guy who does not look at all like the person I really am looking
back at me with mild surprise, I find myself asking
"Are you Through?'
Am I! Am I! I will tell you what I am! I am livid with outrage that
my life is not at all like that dream I was just having- the one where
I am in love and the woman of my dreams is sitting next to me on the
stoop outside her house and I am smiling at her as the sun rises over
the city streets of Boston, she looks at me, her loose brown hair on her
shoulders, her smiling eyes behind those tortoise shell rims, her lips
as red as the blush in her cheeks before pulling all that long hair back
into a tight ponytail before leaning in to kiss me. This is a good life
we have here in the city, I have her, I have a car, I have a dog, I have
a moment before I realize that she is no longer kissing me but saying
something to me. I stop listing to hear what she is saying.
"Are you through?"
I look up from the urinal in shock at the guy who is nearly jogging in
place while waiting his turn at the stall. I glance around, we are alone,
It is me that he's talking to, embarrassment and shame is what we share
together in that moment of awkwardness in this public bathroom. I
wonder what the odds are that this is the only working urinal in the
only unlocked bathroom in the subway where I have missed my train.
He looks at me and opens his mouth to speak but I sigh, shaking my
head because despite all this weirdness and solitude I cannot go anyway
also not wanting or liking the idea of conversations in bathrooms
with anyone but especially men like the guy in the toliet stall next to us
yelling into his cell phone at full blast.
ARE YOU THROUGH!
I wanted to tell them but how can I when they look like that sitting
on the couch together, arm in arm, so small and naive to what I
have just realized that I am already saying. I told them that he
had touched me when I had told him no, I told them that I was
confused and wanted him to go. I told them that I should have
listened to my friends when they told me I should go. Now
I know, now I know.
Am I Through?
I think I have pretty much covered it all and yet probably told
you nothing surprising, nothing new. I suspect that this will
change everything, words have other meanings, circumstances
construe. Now stand here in the aftermath, confusion with what
is true, I understand more, there is no me or I but only you.