These are the words that I want you to hear

Sometimes I find the need of a certain darkness to fill my dreams
sometimes I lose myself in the mists that fill the spaces in between
sleep and waking thoughts that consume the presence of my days
shattered plans in some many frustrating frivolous furious ways
now I shudder, the cold of night creeps into my restless sleep
like the memories I want to forget like the pain and pleasure
that is mine and only mine to keep.

I find the solace like songs that are filled with mood and with words
a movement without substance, a state of being without the absurd
I cry without the display of the burning of my salty tears
something is forgotten like the passage of all those years
between what I thought was the truth and what I knew
as the lack of patterns in my youth, it is the method with
which my own words can play at these poetic attempts to attend
to which  that I can express with my meaning in hopes that the
final lines of which can hope to make amends
to guess my purpose is scribbling along this virtual page
of my hopes, my longings, my happiness and my rage.

Sometimes I feel like I can run a million miles into the black
with red marks like scratches crisscrossing other scars on my back
I sometimes find my rhythm in the reason of smaller things
like the delicate promises of hopes with its fragile wings
and then my heart find the words that can make it sing
and then my heart sings and I know that it was more than
some fancy that I once had, that I have substance in my writing.

I look to the sunrise and coming warmth of your touch
touch me now with whispered caresses that could mean
so little but still hold weight in the what matters so much
I wish you were here in my life and in my waiting bed
or that I were with you where ever that is instead.

Now I am here while you are still there
I want you to know that I still care
even between the light and the darkness of fear
these are my words, this is what you want to hear.