Poem a Day in May 31: Finale

31 Days of having to look into the onion of my existence, layers upon layers

to peel and cry and cut through the complexity while trying not to laugh at

the comparison made to it and by an unhappy ogre who is trying to deceive

himself into believing that he is happy that there is nothing more than the 

analogy that he has just given to an jackass. 

Self-examination and inquiry is crucial if you want to know what your motives

were and are you being sincere about wanting to find love, be loved or at

very least have your words remembered as something more than "he was 

just a man and not much of a guy at that." 

It's like finding a box in your attic and then finding out that the person you stored

in there wasn't who you thought she was, that her taste in clothing is opposite

of what you had wanted to believe that those shoes and that lipstick did match

what you were feeling when you made yourself pack it all away in there, secretly

hoping that you would never have to see it again.

31 days learning that you might have started out as strangers but in the end of all

things that you could and would become friends and that you like the 

face in the mirror a lot more than when you went there to shave it, that while

the razor moved you discovered all the things that make your profile are 

noble and brave and kind and that you both deserve to be loved and that

a touch can carry more than just the pain of a slap or uttered rejection from

someone who is more afraid than you ever thought you could be.

Last night I dreamed that I would meet her and that it could be perfect-

that perfection was not what I had always thought it would be, not in crisp

clean orderly lines nor in the jigsaw pieces fitting exactly together but rather

in the proximity to just be close enough that a touch means more than just a

brush of body contact as if you are stuck in an elevator with a complete stranger 

and that you can embrace him instead of pushing yourself into a corner

just so that you can continue believing that it is just normal and you have

somehow saved your precious identity.

You both say "hold me' together and then laugh at the absurdity that makes

all that I have written mean more than just metaphors on the page. That we 

are all one in our need for belonging to something more than what we can

ever hope to gain on our own. This is what I hope all my poetry has shown.

PADIM 30: Getting ready to go

7 o' clock in the morning, nothing is packed and I am not getting out of bed
I wish that you would lie there too, like the figment of a thought that I have
about you in my head. All my past regrets couple with all my current failing
by 8:30 am, all my hopes and dreams of what would be should be gone, I will
stand on my deck, cup of coffee sitting on the plank railing, one more goodbye
to the only person I have ever loved even though there wasn't the time for any hellos.
Will I miss you my friend? Will you understand that I both love and loath you?
Will you know?

By 10 am I will be on the long and lonesome road, my car -a stream of memories
going back to the days that surround us like the green shabby hills of Tennessee,
I wish I could still feel you despite the angry words we spoke when you said goodbye
I wish I could take back the resentment I am feeling, well I will give it a try, There
was really nothing I could have said, their was no persuasion that I could have
used instead. I just wanted to make you understand how I felt, I just wanted to
to know that it wasn't ever our fault, that it just was the hand we were dealt.
It's like wanting coffee but only getting tea, will that bring comfort or is that all
we were ever meant to be?

The last time the tears slide down my face is by 2 pm and already I have begun to
slow my pace, there are too many roads that I will have to trace until I can find a
better time, and better place. In the breadth of this moment that we now can share
I want to look back in the mirror but I am afraid of the expressions that I will find there
Was I wrong to want my life to be more than what my parents had for us in store?
It was as rotten as any meddling turns out to be, rotten to the very core
I hope the rain will come and wash away my guilt like bug splatter against the windscreen.
Is that all my hopes and our plans and desires have just been?

7 o'clock in the evening and the moon will be full, have I escaped mother earth's gravity?
Will I escape from her pull that she has so long had upon me,
Is that what I believed that love meant, was it worth the blood and sweat that we
have spent looking for the silver lining to life's simplistic view of a rainbow
will you ever forgive me? Can I forgive myself? Or will the guilt continue to grow?
I wish I could just keep driving these thoughts from my mind, leave my past, and the
present, all that grief just leave it all behind.
Tomorrow will find me further away from the other side of this mirror's illusion
Tomorrow will find me further away from the push and pull of all my confusion
Maybe once I am gone I will finally have something to show
will I find the courage to do all this when I finally get ready to go?

PADIM 29: Golden

He told me that things would be okay now
that the days where the silence was accepted
would no longer hold and that music and laughter
sounded out from all around, that our noise
could shatter the walls of heaven and shake
the lies and misery to the ground.
She told me that love could heal the worst of
my wounds, that life could have meaning,
that errors would be forgotten and insults
lost between the giggles and jokes wipe
away the tears, that I would be forgiven
and the rain could fall down without the
need for sadness and fears.
He told me that I was the reason that he could
go on living, that there was a purpose to each
smile, that it was worth showing up and that
comfort was the warm blanket of a hug
that I was just his kind of style
She said that I was the sunlight coming through
the clouds, that it was the reason that she opened
her eyes with hope as she got out of bed in the
morning and that before she knew that this
poem was just unwritten and unsaid.
this is where all our paths have led.
it is what I have to say, what you have read.

Friends are more than a means or the ends
they are more than words or feelings or
even the promise I would be holding
back, they are like a rainbow at the end
of life's storms, for all things like this
they are golden.



For Alan Burgess.

PADIM 28: Chastising the Darkness

In the beginning I was without form and in darkness
existing inside the face of the deep skimming the surface
of eternal sleep, like the void and the utter lack of being
until a word was given and then into the light I was born
like one of the billions and billions of stars in the night.
In the beginning I was an idea without being even as much
as a word without ink or even a page, I knew then that I
would become a part of a thought expressed in sentence
like the whisper of emotion, the passing of another age.
In the end, I would become many surrounded by others
to form a coherent argument about the need to understand
why we all exist and therefore we mast wait upon the Maker
to persist.

PADIM 27: A note left behind

Dear whomever finds this note
I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry that I missed you
in the moments between wanting it to be you who I would
have kissed. I know that it was too much to ask so I tried
to make it a demand but the whole situation spiraled out
of hand and now I thought that I could give this all just one
more try, but then I stopped short of you telling me to
say goodbye. I should have trusted you more, I should
have kept the faith that I could not ignore, but that is how
I fell down, down into this darkness as hope has fled away
into the night. I should have remained, you would not have
given us up without a fight, now all I feel I have is out
bound flight. I want to believe that we could have gotten
something right.
Now it is all just a little out of focus, out of sight.

I sign this with my love since anything else is trite
like some cliche inked out here on the paper white.

PADIM 26: Simple songs for Simpletons

Another song often comes along
almost as often as it gets it right
but more likely to be wrong
it's sad that to this group
many of us just belong
sing it any way cause its
a simpleton's song.

Another tune will surface soon
almost as quickly as it plays
for days and days
just another way
to remind us to
just stay on the bus
and sing along.

Another verse almost as verse
it couldn't possibly get any worse
as if repeating word afterword
is not as absurd
as what we have just heard
so right it's still absolutely wrong
it's just a simpleton's song.

PADIM 25: Forced Rhymes

What made you even think?
That you could drive me to the brink
not even the fear will make me
drink beer I will show you see
it's not as if I am going to let you be
unkind to us -it's enough to make
me
cuss.
yet I think about you all the time
you affect me even as I am forced
into this rhyme.

What made you say what you said?
Did you really wish me dead?
after all that we meant to one another
your affection cannot even smother
the disgust that drives me now to write
how much I would love to hate you
with
all my
might
But that would just be sublime
even as I force out my feelings
into this rhyme

What was I really thinking would come true?
Was it somehow my time, I am overdue
It's going to be my word against yours
like a slap in the face what was this all for
I only wanted to be the one you kissed
I would lie about it- say you'll be missed
But I want to be honest and sure
there
is
no
cure
Because this is just that kind of crime
when I feel I must be forced to
compose all of this
into this rhyme.

PADIM 24: Poetry will be the death of me

Here I sit with so many things left to do today
but I cannot find the words to write, nothing is
going to be in play while I work my craft like
the fine tuning in finding the right phrase, the correct
form of a verb- I must pretty crazy or sadly somewhat
lazy to be this absurd!
My kingdom for a word!
Shakespeare is having the last laugh as I pound along
my keyboard searching for the meaning that I am
supposed to be instilling and that is by far not even
half of this verbal form of math. I may have lost count
but I am still willing to try and try again before
I cross the four hundred and ride my simile
like the horse into the valley of death and madness
trying to mock even this the sudden sense of sadness
that all my effort will largely go unread unheard
in the end I am a poor poet strutting about on the page
looking for the moment in between the bouts of rage
here I can show my rhyme although it is just my age
time has passed me by and love is just one more thing
that I have yet to try. I realize this is more like a white
nerds rap but I will not given in even if you my readers
have given up by now or see that I am bout to spring my trap
it's moments like this that I know I wanted something more
but that's ironic even for me in this metaphor.

PADIM 23: Hoping for a Miracle

It's been 10 hours since you went away
walking out into the blinding sunlight out of view
Now I want to tell myself that it wasn't true
I thought I would never feel this blue
I kept on hoping that you would turn around
that we weren't just losing lots of ground
that you would come back without a sound
that you would just give me one more chance
that this wasn't the end to our romance
that our relationship was just one song and
slow dance.

I have the words, now, ironically to say
Now I know that you aren't coming back
I think I hear the radio playing "Return of the Mack."
I would rather avoid my guilt and skipped that track.
Still no matter how hard I try I still hear the refrain
as it runs like a buzz saw inside of my brain
I might be crazy but at least I am not insane.
Still I sit here in some hope that all with soon be well
I have no evidence to prove my point with sell
like a bad joke that proves to hard to tell

and in my silence I miss you
in my despair I wish to kiss you
still there is my prayer to keep
from losing any more  of my sleep
I will wait a few more minutes before
I breakdown and let the tears come to weep.

PADIM 22: I have never known love

As illusive an illusion that can possibly be true
this thing that we call love and by that I mean
this passionate emotion that I am supposed to
feel for someone like you.
Like the unicorn, who many claim to have seen
finding love is much harder than the movies have
lead us to believe that all you have to do is find
someone in the space between...
hope and despair, tears and the pain
so many poetic reference that the idea
of spending another day looking seems
insane.
When I say I have never known love what I mean
is that while I have loved and thought I was for sure
no reciprocal of this experience has been-
expressed. There I said it no one has ever stressed
that I was significant to them, no one has paused
long enough to look into my eyes then confessed
or in other words no one has ever said
Mike, I love you.
no amount of praying ever made it come true
no has any dreams ever led me to believe that
somehow a friendship would grow
to the point that this elusive thing I call love
would ever become something I would know.

PADIM 21: Waiting...

The sun shone out in the cloudless sky and the empty blue surrounded me as I waited for you there in the empty lot. The day had been long and the hope I once shared had caught the last bus to Cleveland. Right then, I almost wished I had gone with it along with my dignity.
The wind picked up blow around the discarded papers and trash like the fragile things
that have been my emotions these past few days. I almost reached out to snatch one as it fluttered by me like a moth with a torn wing. Jealousy ate away at the facade that
I park my heart behind each time I have to wait for you here.
I found myself wishing for the rain to come down and wash away the regrets for the things I should have said before you drove away and with a small wave of your hand
I had to fight against the sudden panic I would never see you again.
I feel cold and frustrated since you won't answer my calls and texting is futile like the homeless man who just looked at me standing there in my anguish. I had the impression that he was a minor demon who found me funny standing there eternally 
yearning that you would come back for me
Each day you fail to return.
Each day I keep my desire alive
Each day we still don't meet for that drink
It's enough to make a man think
It's enough to make a man think.

Art Poetry Art: Question of being

                                Graveyard at Dawn

Photo by Megan Chang

The morning came slipping by like a whisper shared between two of the
best of friends. The shadows slide away after the fading of the night
into the dawning of the first light filtering through the mists that
fill the cracks in the stones that stand sentinel between.
Will the ghost of a smile cross her lips?
Was this the reason I came here, was there something I thought
I would miss? Maybe my answer will shiver out of the empty spaces
as she walks along the fence line beside the resting places
until she pauses for a moment, beside the fence
I catch her eye before she looks away, when she looks back
I am but the shadow of my former self- not all there
like the space of the moment, I fade to black.

She shakes her head, not believing what she is seeing
did she notice my passing, or was she even there
time is fleeting, the hour is short, hardly a second to spare
its all important this question of being.

PADIM 20: Crosswords

W
O           I      
SHARP AND PAINFUL TO WIELD
D          M                                  
S           G
A          O                              W                            T
R      THIS IS NOT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP                                  
E          N             H               R                             E
L          G              I                D                            Y    N
ITS NOT  WHO'S RIGHT    S                             SHOULD   H
K         O              I                     S                               T           U                                M
E          N        IT'S ABOUT WHY WE ARE FIGHTING FOR                                A
W        E              A                   O                                             T                                 I
A         E              B                   U                                   B                                           N
P         D              O       GENTLE AND SOFT TO TOUCH    T                     THE STRUGGLE THAT
O        A              U                   D                                   T         H                               A
N        S               T                   B                                    TICKLE                               I
S         H              O                  E            A                               M                       WHENEVER WE C
           I                U                  L            L                                I                                  S                  R
           E               R                  I             M                     I WANT TO S                                        O
           L               WAR           K            O                               D        A                                          S
           D                                FEATHERS                                           Y         T                               S
                                                               T                                           WITHOUT IT GOING      W
                                                               AS MUCH                             H       W                             O
                                                                                                    I MEAN      A                              R
                                                                                                             T        R                              D
                                                                                                                       D                               S
                                                                                                                       S


TRANSLATIONS:

WORDS ARE LIKE WEAPONS, 

SHARP AND PAINFUL TO WIELD

I GOING TO NEED A SHIELD 

THIS IS NOT ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, 

THIS IS ABOUT OUR WAR

IT’S NOT WHO’S RIGHT, 

IT’S ABOUT WHY WE ARE FIGHTING FOR

WORDS SHOULD BE LIKE FEATHERS,

 GENTLE AND SOFT TO TOUCH

THEY SHOULD NOT HURT

BUT TICKLE THE MIND ALMOST AS MUCH

I WANT TO SAY WHAT I MEAN

WITHOUT IT GOING TOWARDS

THE STRUGGLE THAT MAINTAINS

WHENEVER WE CROSS WORDS

PADIM 19: Meditations

Like the wind, let the sounds move through you
wisping away the dust of regrets off your skin
don't worry about what is now nor what could be true
silence fills the gaps and spaces within.

Like the rain, let the waters wash away your fears
cleanse your mind of all you anxious troubles
live in the seconds between the passing of the years
watch you tears float away in incandescent bubbles.

Like the touch of soft linen sheets, be cool
be calm, mark well what you have already said
breathe in the peace, let tranquility be the rule
you are as the petals upon the wind, yellow with red.

It must be more than just making it through alive
It should be more than hoping all you do is to survive
the karma that you practice becomes what you are to be
being thus in balance, love what it means to be free.

PADIM 18: The Reason I hate Olives

It's like waking up one day and remembering that it was your father that stands in front
of the refrigerator holding the jar and only then realizing that was why you thought you
could enjoy their bitter taste and after the taste settles like a bad odor in the back
of you mouth you understand why this is an impossible thing to ask of yourself,
since you have the olives.

It's as if you stop in the middle of the road suddenly and the people behind you
crowding, bunching, honking their horns and muttering under their breaths then having
to explain to their passengers that they were actually referring to the idiot in front of
them- who has a sudden metallic taste and his hands sweat a little as you think about
the last time you saw your father eating them and you know that this also has some
reason for hating olives.

When you look at the jars and jars of the black and green fruits on the shelves in
the grocery aisle, the memory floods back right through you and you remember that his
breath smelled like the bitter metallic taste as he hit you in the small rooms where
those memories have stayed locked away- as the tears slide down your face
while standing there in Food City- a man stops to stand beside you and says:
"I know how you feel, olives make me cry too."

PADIM 17: Catching up is just so hard to do

I met her again in a grocery store, and almost as soon as we came eye to eye, that Dan Fogelberg song came to mind.
As the recognition showed in her face, I remembered that I quit drinking so I could rejoin the human race.
She smiled at me across the aisle and I would like to think she was thinking much the same. She said something to me and it took a moment that what she was saying was my name.
I laughed and shook my head as she came over to hug me once before she told me she would like to take an hour but she was already overdue.
I agreed even though we both knew that it wasn't true. Catching up is just so hard to do.

Do we really want to know what our old friends have done all these years?
Have we forgotten why we no longer are friends, shall we recall the tears?
It's one thing to stand together and agree on the weather and whatever else could be true.
It's just that catching up is just so hard to do.

I remember that I loved most of my friends, I would do a lot to make amends for all the things that went badly in the end.
Life seldom gives second chances, and who wants to revisit past romances, it's better to whisper a word of encouragement and 
accept the embrace- then to stick around and meet your replacements face to face.
sometimes reunions work out and you don't go home alone feeling blue, but it hasn't happened to me yet, so I will take this as my cue.
Catching up is so very hard to do.

PADIM 16: War

Imagine if you will....

    A meadow in the morning of the first day of solstice,

just as the twin moons rise over the Spine of the world

showing their faces to each other as they catch the first

light of their brother sun between them. All is peaceful,

all is right in this world before the coming of the war.

Imagine if you wish...

   A Girl resting from her walk among the long grasses,

on her back as she studies the fading of the night

as the clouds catch the dew and place it down around

her caught in the moment before the gentle start of

what will soon become the steady mist of rain.

Imagine if you can...

   A horse, the Horse as it gallops over the crest of

the hill that has just stopped being the Evergreen

moor. The earth and sod report it passing along with

the dull thunder of the hooves plowing through its

wake like a wave announcing the arrival of a ship

down to the sunlit shore.

Imagine if you dare...

  A Boy running after his mount since he slipped

from it while daydreaming about meeting a girl

on that hill from before. His armor is new and practically 

unused, his courage has been abused, his patience

is wearing out as fast as the soles on his old boots

That was what is was like the day before

that was what it could have been if not

for the darkness and strife that follows

in the path of the doom that travels by

horse and tears and raindrops down,

down on all our hopes and dreams

wiped away by the lasting laughter

of that frightful villain whose name 

will be mentioned once more. 

PADIM 15: for my brother

Sometimes I feel your touch in the way the pictures tumble in place 
in the words that ebb and flow from my hand on the page
I can only wish that I had listened to you now when you told me
that it was time for me to go. 
Sometimes I hear you say my name out in the long night, sometimes
its like you are right beside me even though I know that we have just
had a fight over something neither of us did and I don't even know that
there was a reason for all those tears. Sometimes I feel like I have wasted 
so many many years,
Sometimes, the words fail me and only a brief sob can escape my lips 
it was supposed to be better than this, it was supposed to have been 
the best and all that it ended up was the worst of endings and now as
I stare out the window of this departing plane and find myself 
wishing that it would somehow manage to rain.
Sometimes, a movie can tell you everything that your life cannot 
sometimes you are left with chills and you remember that all was not
as dark as it seemed there on that spot, that things were not as nearly
as tough.
Sometimes I realize that I have not told you. Stephen, that I love you 
quite enough.

PADIM 14: WTF

god is dead
although you said
that before ever mentioning 
that you saw him alive
is this the kind of argument
we shall have as we
struggle to survive
while around us the wars
continue to rage, 
is there no safe haven
no pressure on life's stage?
god is ahead
the preacher man told me
this as I lay crying on my bed
not that I am dying just
practicing instead
in case it is all true
what ever else I was 
planning to do
now that all the is left
I leave up to you.

PADIM 13: Bad Pieces of Advice

13. Where there's a will...I want to be in it, unless it's a play then I better check with how Jill will write me into the plot. I mean I want to be or be not.
12. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, someone says but I have to ask if there is something they just missed because that means that hurting me is still somewhere on there list.
11. Some people should never stand up and speak since someone will decide that they are stupid like it is wise to despise those that are intellectually weak.
10. We don't have to agree to belong after all if I chose to side with you then we would both be wrong.
9. You have to learn how to grow up and was that really worth a lick, since it's overrated and only counts in public
8. War! what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! that is if you are not in the industry then you probably will just want some more.
7. Knowledge is not about choosing the right fruit for salad, it's about choosing between what you want and what is valid.
6. I didn't say that is wasn't your fault; I am saying that i was blaming you for getting caught.
5. Women will never be equal to men until men shut up about it and even then it's more their way than anything else I have to say
4. He who hesitates is lost unless it before walking into traffic without looking both ways, like betting without looking at your cards no matter the cost.
3. You have to aim to hit your target for the win- unless, of course, you shoot first and just call whatever you hit the target, especially if your patience is wearing thin.
2.  Respect your elders and betters, but it gets harder and harder to find one among the wise probably have to settle for one of the jetsetters
1. You are never too old to learn something new, unless it is just plain stupid, then you are just due to get shot in the ass by some idiot who looks like cupid.

0. You can't always write poetry well enough for everyone but writing bad enough for a chuckle will still sell.

PADIM 11: Mother's Day

Mother is the reason I live

Is the blessings to give

Even when there are

Still sins to forgive

Love is no lost

 not measurable in cost

Like chips on the ante

pile tossed

more than a bluff

This is the stuff

that makes a

Mother!

PADIM 10: I am but Stardust

This is the universe I made

or did it just make me?

Is it just the science that is my reality?

this is all like some cosmic joke

It would be funny if in this chaos

the one who made all finally spoke.

This is how it all came to pass

like the structure of atoms,

crayons and the tarnishing of brass

Nonsense in organizable strands

DNA encoding strung in nuclear bands

like the music of the countless spheres

this is how everything ends

with math and innumerable fears.

This is how everything begins with

a bigger bang.

This is how the gods laughed in guttural

algorithmic slang.

This is how I first came to realize that we had

a chance.

This is the post apocalyptic reason to dance.

When I stare into the abyss

it stares back into me.

This is it, the first step into eternity.

Riddle me this, riddle me that

More like a discussion, less than a chat.

What is man to the infinite quantity of space?

Is this a test for the human race?

Am I one with the Maker, can I go that far?

I am but stardust out among the 

Billions and Billions of Stars.

For Carl,

Isaac,

and 

Neil.

PADIM 9: Mermaids & Cheese, if you please.

If you have to ask you will be taken to task

on the varied this very silly matter, some would call

random chatter, or pertinent appeal.

Accept it or not, it is always there, it is real

So as you may and if you please

do not discuss the Mermaids and the Cheese.

I hesitate to try to explain that, it's like stopping to reason out what the cat in the hat as all about.

Just stand up suddenly and shout "Aha! That's it 

I quit!" Then burst into tears, since we know that

you have been holding them all back for some matter of years.

It is rather ridiculous like a silly gait in your walking

to sit and consider gawking at the tall guy, John Cleese

but that is what you get if you mix mermaids and cheese.

Dr. Suess had it all wrong, Dr. Suess had it all right

it's a delicious anxiety that has kept up many a frog

all night, until the moon shakes it's weary face

and calls it a night. 

so remember to mind your p's and q's, 

listen more carefully to the African's views

If he brings it up- just rush over- give him a squeeze

until his legs shake his knobbly knees

Thank him once again for bringing up the 

Mermaids and Cheese.

PADIM 8: Obliteration

by Craig Stewart credits to the artist.

10 ID T Errors across the spectrum of this my computer screen-

9 Nerds changed the world when they thought no one noticed.

8 measurements of memory that we all use without knowing that

7 of them are not exactly correct but if 1 of them is no one will care.

6 rules of the internet is all any geek admits to even if there are more

5 O 5 is an ever persistent and constantly nagging reminder

4 O 4 is the ultimate buzz killer of all time, so many broken links

3 is the rule that should never be ignored nor made fun of

2, there are only 2 pills, 2 doors, 2 options when looking into

the infinite unknown that is the 1 thing that reminds us that 

we don't have all the answers to our lives nor our creations

1 last thing remains to be said

all this is true- cannot be unwritten

unread.

Art Poetry Art: Terminus

 Image by Megan Chang

It was on the bridge, the first time I knew
what it was I was searching for- I think she
knew it too.
It was at the end of my vision like the place 
where the railroads meets on the event horizon
the end of the line
It was somewhere in the distance down the road
a destination like where I could walk- she's 
also there 

I looked up at her as she held her camera up
I heard the click, imagined the whir of film
that was not there but should have been
because that is how the vision works
because we should walk along the 
path, both of us barefoot on the walk
the unknown lies before us, the questions
remain, will Frost's path remain wild 
not footprints to mark our passing as
we take the more familiar path home.

It was on the bridge, the first time I knew
what that look in her eyes meant for me
the perplexed bite of her lips
the squint that comes with decision
would we find another was to our
destination.

We still walk along that bridge
but it's in my memory, she is with me
always above always beside
always my hope that this is our path
there is a point down there that 
is our end.
always is long enough time to remember
that no matter where we go, she will 
always be my friend.

For Megan Chang.

PADIM 7: 45 Seconds from Mars

Isn't it funny when you remember to look out the porthole and see
that our small red planet fades into the vast and eternal galaxy
that all I ever wanted I had to leave behind on Mars
that all I ever hope would end up with the stars
I would cry but water is so precious that I must not
I would sing but the words will not come out.

The last time I saw you smiling you were waving after me
my jet streams blowing away into the smokey eventuality
knowing that I would probably never see you again
knowing that I could only miss everything from back then
knowing that time is relative to the home I have left behind
knowing that it will have no meaning anymore in my mind.

Now all of you are a mad and persistent recurring memory
the worlds spin away into the darkness between you and me.
will I long for the days that have yet to be born
will I feel that familiar pang of doubt and scorn
will I be that weak or rise up above it stronger
or will it consume me as the journey takes longer?

I am 45 seconds from Mars
all alone midst the unforgiving stars
I can remember what the ground was from above
I can remember what it was like to feel the touch
of your love.

PADIM 6: Scratch that

the last poem was a mistake
sometimes it is just wrong to force it out
sometimes it is just not the right time
sometimes it is just not the correct rhyme
sometimes it is just about
Give and take.
Scratch that.

the last sentiment was unstable
like that time when my roommate lied
like his words had lost their meaning
like the sounds of her keening
like the tears as she stood there and cried
part of me just died
Scratch that.

the last time I laughed in joy
It was like the first time I got kissed
it was like the first time she said my name
it was like there was nothing to blame
it was like the moments I have missed
it could just be that done and pat
so simple it is still wrong, Oh well
Scratch that.

PADIM 5: Cinco de Mayo

Ay yi yi yi yi, these are the days

after five in the month of May

I want to hear the strum of strings

I wants to hear her voice when she sings

giving my love it's wings

there are so many things

see what the future brings

Ay yi yi yi yi, these are the moves

I feel it in the floor, in the grooves-

in the riffs from the Mariachi band

she reaches over -takes my hand

Si Si I think I can now understand

where the swaying is going

how her eyes are glowing.

Ay yi yi yi yi, time has stopped this week

like the flush on her cheeks

 in the moment, trapped in the sway

love and magic, this is the stage

this is the play, this is the way

I want it to all remain

 in the unspeakable refrain

PADIM 4: May the Fourth be with You.

So for the Fourth of May, I am going to compose a series of Star Wars Poems and the like.

press play you will.

A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away.

A father and his two sons went to see a movie,

I don't remember if we had any idea 

of what we were about to see

but it changed everything for me.

There will be snow days, cold as the ice planet out there alone among the stars, while down here on Hoth, I sit astride my Tauntaun and dream of sand. There will be hard days ahead as I struggle with my doom, the fate my father left for me, the path I should choose, something I can understand.
Firefall in the skies, everything was just lies, no matter what the old man denied, I cannot run, I cannot hide. Now I must be away, I must ride. 

No Reward is worth this
says the scoundrel who 
will cross the galaxy
for the ice princess's
kiss.
What did I miss?
His young friend quips
the wookie sighs
the droid whirs 
the shadow of the 
a smile is on his lips

Was this the face that launched a thousand ships and burnt in the dreams of so many nerds?
Sweet Leia, make me a Jedi with one immortal kiss, wish the luck as to the Death Star I shall fly and then without the power of the force miss
the hole in one vent with my torpedos and down like a flame I shall crash away like jetsam.
I will be Luke and for the love of thee will I shall blow up the local comic book store and battle the Sith Lords around the salad bar.

I must return to the stars again, to the immensity of the cosmos, the eternal sky, 
and all I ask is for a starship and one hope to steer her by,
and the hyperdrive's kick and the siren's song and the white blast doors shaking and the scattered debris on her face as we storm through the blockades we are breaking.
I must go up into the night again, I hear the call of battle, the vengeful tide,
It's my destiny, the one that may not be denied;
and all I ask is for an R2 unit and a steady crew
and the loyalty of my men which is my due.
I must go out to the endless beyond, to the sounds of warfare and the emergence of suns
and all I ask is for the blaster by my side, and a woman to call my name after the storm has died.

You've got a friend in me, 

after all, it's us against the galaxy!

When the course looks doubtful ahead

just remember that I have always said

"Rowarr arr groar ganarr" 

which means "hey you're like butter on my bread."

without you, I'd rather be in that trash compactor instead.

So it is just that easy to see,

that you got a friend in me.

Your our only hope
Like this game of chess you see
it's your move, Ani.

It all shall be mine
the galaxy and the stars
it's your move, Lord Vader.

Father against twins
three reasons to win the day
it's your move Skywalker.

Those Tech Key converters did not come in.

Those droids are somewhere around here

those plans have escaped our notice

once again.

No one cares what happens to us when 

all the worlds are living in the fear

that their system will be next

We stood for order, we stood for respect

we lived what we were told to believe and yet 

when the time came

we did what we were told we had to fix-

it was not us, it was order 66.

O Lord Vader, my leader! Our fearful trip is done

the ship has survived combat, the galaxy is won.

The star port is near, the claxons I hear, the troops amass.

All eyes will be upon us when the Star Destroyer will pass.

But my heart cries out instead

where on the deck, Captain Meers lies

fallen cold and rather dead.

What did you expect?

 Darth Vader has choked another Starship Captain

instead.

I gave into my anger

I gave into my hate

I gave in and I will do so again

I will have it all 

I will have my revenge!

I know no pleasure save

who I can kill

I know no joy, the dark side

fulfills.

I need no comfort

I need no gain

I am Darth Maul

I am the Sith.

You came in that?

What?

That heap?

That heap can outrun a star destroyer!

So that's why you are here?

No-

We're here to rescue you!

Shut up Kid!

Hey, that's not fair!

What? Should I let you kiss your sister?

I'd sooner kiss a wookie.

Chewie?

What? I was kidding!

The Perfect Hunter is often seen in green

the way to win is often without friends

it is without honor, it is frequently mean.

My father taught me to fear no man

experience has shown me that fear is useful

enough as long as you stick to the plan.

I am your worst enemy as long as you lose on your bet

I will come for you because I have a reputation

you fate is set.

I am Boba Fett.

Everybody run away it's an Ewok.

by Everyone I mean unless you

are Leia

or 

Golden Rod

the Ewok God.

I am featuring this spoken word

This is Gary Turk and he has something to tell you in verse.

I agree with him

PADIM 3: Mow Down Musings

It began with mowing.

The Sun shone out in a mostly blue sky
save for this lone cloud way off to the right
of the momentary consideration it took to
change the course of my path and in the spray of damp grass cutting I found that deep down in my soul I 
at last had found peace. 
Well a few pieces of that potato chip bag from last week as it swirled out of the mower's side away in the breeze that comes in the shade of the trees.

 I pause in my mowing to drink the life giving water, the water of life under the silent shade of the trees and enjoy the coolness of the breeze as it drifts through the shadows and I find myself smiling at the beauty that surrounds me.
There is the grass and there are the trees.
Each one holds it's own mystery, each one holds out it
peculiar philosophy. Like the sip of the cold water on my lips and then like the wind and that one clouds all that has come to me slips away as I pull the rip cord and

return to the sunlight, but my soul remains in the shade of the secrets that surround me.
I pause to consider if by some chance that there are other like me, men and women who mow and remember that the thought, the considerations are always out here, that a mowing musing is somewhere out there or perhaps closer to than the doubts that we must fear.
Then, my neighbor says to me.
"Hey Mike, come have another beer."