'Twas the day of Christmas
and all through the house
no one was stirring
except for my spouse
ribbons and paper were
strewn all over the space
The tree leaned wearily
against the fireplace
its lights were fading
about to go out,
the ornaments dropped
the tinsel in doubt.
The children were asleep
lost in toy-filled bliss
having checked all the
corners for anything they
might have missed.
My wife was wrapped up
in her new terry cloth robe
hot mug cradled in her hands
like a wintery snow globe
a twinkle in her eye
that never gets old.
Whilst I stumbled around
as my feet grew cold.
When all at once, there came
a rapping on the window
frame, such a clatter,
that I ran to see
what was the matter
I squinted out at the skinny
man on the porch
with a foreboding
that made me feel sick
only to discover
that it was Cousin Nick.
He rang the doorbell
with such force
that my wife mentioned
something like
"if you let him in there will be divorce"
I looked her with as much fear
as I could muster
she shrugged
I knew that I still I love
and trusted her.
"Who is it?" I asked at the door
checking the locks, the wood
strong and thick
"It's me" came the whiny voice that
belonged to Cousin Nick.
"Just a minute" I declared
making noises of a fuss.
How lucky I was that
he had chosen to come visit us?
With a certain dread, I crept to the window
to take a quick peek, what I saw made it
hard to continue to speak
for outside upon my lawn was the family bus
I could see his brother Blixon, his son
my cousin Dixon, who with his brother
Donner and Connor, sister Sheryl, Susie
and Uncle Nixon. Edna his wife, their kids
the Jetty twins, and old Aunt Betsy.
Randy his son and his girlfriend , Ruby,
with a red snotty nose
wearing little more than mini skirt and
pantyhose.
I looked at my wife in a panic
"We could take a holiday vacation."
She said in caffeinated heaven, leaving
me to have visions titanic. I mentally
crossed off escape routes and considered
how serious my wife threat was about.
Thinking of some untried trick I returned
to the door to talk to Cousin Nick.
"Can we meet you at Grandma's house
the place is a mess" I spoke all this as
I added a prayer for success.
Outside the door came such a laugh
that I knew I was doomed to the shame
of my cousin's wrath.
"You tried that one last year Larry"
Goshdarnit I did and silently thanked
the stars that he did name his other daughter
Gary.
"No Worries man," He said with a wink
"We'll come back in an hour- what do you think?"
"Sounds great buddy," I replied as he turned to leave
"Merry Christmas cousin," he said then dusted off his
sleeve. The insult obvious, I began to wonder what in
an hour I could achieve.
As my wife and I packed, I could still hear his final call.
"Happy New year, y'all!"
and all through the house
no one was stirring
except for my spouse
ribbons and paper were
strewn all over the space
The tree leaned wearily
against the fireplace
its lights were fading
about to go out,
the ornaments dropped
the tinsel in doubt.
The children were asleep
lost in toy-filled bliss
having checked all the
corners for anything they
might have missed.
My wife was wrapped up
in her new terry cloth robe
hot mug cradled in her hands
like a wintery snow globe
a twinkle in her eye
that never gets old.
Whilst I stumbled around
as my feet grew cold.
When all at once, there came
a rapping on the window
frame, such a clatter,
that I ran to see
what was the matter
I squinted out at the skinny
man on the porch
with a foreboding
that made me feel sick
only to discover
that it was Cousin Nick.
He rang the doorbell
with such force
that my wife mentioned
something like
"if you let him in there will be divorce"
I looked her with as much fear
as I could muster
she shrugged
I knew that I still I love
and trusted her.
"Who is it?" I asked at the door
checking the locks, the wood
strong and thick
"It's me" came the whiny voice that
belonged to Cousin Nick.
"Just a minute" I declared
making noises of a fuss.
How lucky I was that
he had chosen to come visit us?
With a certain dread, I crept to the window
to take a quick peek, what I saw made it
hard to continue to speak
for outside upon my lawn was the family bus
I could see his brother Blixon, his son
my cousin Dixon, who with his brother
Donner and Connor, sister Sheryl, Susie
and Uncle Nixon. Edna his wife, their kids
the Jetty twins, and old Aunt Betsy.
Randy his son and his girlfriend , Ruby,
with a red snotty nose
wearing little more than mini skirt and
pantyhose.
I looked at my wife in a panic
"We could take a holiday vacation."
She said in caffeinated heaven, leaving
me to have visions titanic. I mentally
crossed off escape routes and considered
how serious my wife threat was about.
Thinking of some untried trick I returned
to the door to talk to Cousin Nick.
"Can we meet you at Grandma's house
the place is a mess" I spoke all this as
I added a prayer for success.
Outside the door came such a laugh
that I knew I was doomed to the shame
of my cousin's wrath.
"You tried that one last year Larry"
Goshdarnit I did and silently thanked
the stars that he did name his other daughter
Gary.
"No Worries man," He said with a wink
"We'll come back in an hour- what do you think?"
"Sounds great buddy," I replied as he turned to leave
"Merry Christmas cousin," he said then dusted off his
sleeve. The insult obvious, I began to wonder what in
an hour I could achieve.
As my wife and I packed, I could still hear his final call.
"Happy New year, y'all!"
