It was somewhere between the cup of coffee and before I saw you drinking the tea.
It was then I knew that I would not be able to tell you the truth as I saw it, if I did not
do it immediately.
When I sat down, your hands trembled ever so slightly as you glanced up at me.
You are the best friend I had always wanted someone else to be.
I tell you this now, in some vainglorious effort to make a gesture of comfort
since what I am about to say is going to be unkind, hell, it's going to hurt.
1. I never intended to fall in love with the way you sit there in that chair-
or the way you wear that shirt, or the direction that you brush your hair.
I never thought that every time I close my eyes I can smell your scent as if your
ghostly presence is still so close to me standing there.
2. I can't get you out of my thoughts, it's like one of the radio pop songs-
you know the one that we laughed at and they had to play it again and again
all night long.
I can't forget the way you laughed with me nor the way you stop and stare,
as if you have just seen me for the first time, I know for one we are common-
not at all something rare.
3. I hear you in between the silences and the wall that wraps around my sleep,
like you are in the dreams that stem from the memories I have hidden away to keep.
I scream myself awake at night and look to find your impression in our bed
I realize that I am only crying because like everything else, all this is just inside my head.
4. I feel you hands on my neck, the warm reassurance, that you would always stay near;
that, somehow, I could go on living without the dread, without the substance of my
own depressive fear.
I often just come by your place in my life, just to find myself in your cool embrace
I want to feel the tickles of your breath come slipping like whispers across my face
5. Your kiss, hot sweet sudden rush of madness, burning my soul from within
the closeness that this act requires, makes my head with visions spin.
We can be as one, hand in hand, your nose pressing against my cheek,
leaves me shaken, needy, desperate for entanglements, and weak.
6. The way we feel when we are making love, minutes lasting forever.
The snatches of conversations between the moments we share together.
The idea that there is this thing, this feeling, this state of being that we called us.
A time we could no longer be like strangers staring across the aisle, at each
other on that bus.
There were six reasons I didn't want to say goodbye, but when I do,
I cannot even look you in the eyes, I want to say I am so sorry
I want to say that I really want to start again, that I still want to try
But there is no taking back all that has come and all that is now the past
I want to recall the way you looked as I walked away out into the night
that final moment as if it wasn't the end, that somehow we could still
make it last.
There was one more reason; there was something left to be said-
but like the tears coupled with all my fears, my words are now dead
I should have looked back- I should have returned
I should have told you that your love was enough
that the fires that are in my heart still burned
that my passions were not just from this wintered season
but that would require me to find one more believable reason.
It was then I knew that I would not be able to tell you the truth as I saw it, if I did not
do it immediately.
When I sat down, your hands trembled ever so slightly as you glanced up at me.
You are the best friend I had always wanted someone else to be.
I tell you this now, in some vainglorious effort to make a gesture of comfort
since what I am about to say is going to be unkind, hell, it's going to hurt.
1. I never intended to fall in love with the way you sit there in that chair-
or the way you wear that shirt, or the direction that you brush your hair.
I never thought that every time I close my eyes I can smell your scent as if your
ghostly presence is still so close to me standing there.
2. I can't get you out of my thoughts, it's like one of the radio pop songs-
you know the one that we laughed at and they had to play it again and again
all night long.
I can't forget the way you laughed with me nor the way you stop and stare,
as if you have just seen me for the first time, I know for one we are common-
not at all something rare.
3. I hear you in between the silences and the wall that wraps around my sleep,
like you are in the dreams that stem from the memories I have hidden away to keep.
I scream myself awake at night and look to find your impression in our bed
I realize that I am only crying because like everything else, all this is just inside my head.
4. I feel you hands on my neck, the warm reassurance, that you would always stay near;
that, somehow, I could go on living without the dread, without the substance of my
own depressive fear.
I often just come by your place in my life, just to find myself in your cool embrace
I want to feel the tickles of your breath come slipping like whispers across my face
5. Your kiss, hot sweet sudden rush of madness, burning my soul from within
the closeness that this act requires, makes my head with visions spin.
We can be as one, hand in hand, your nose pressing against my cheek,
leaves me shaken, needy, desperate for entanglements, and weak.
6. The way we feel when we are making love, minutes lasting forever.
The snatches of conversations between the moments we share together.
The idea that there is this thing, this feeling, this state of being that we called us.
A time we could no longer be like strangers staring across the aisle, at each
other on that bus.
There were six reasons I didn't want to say goodbye, but when I do,
I cannot even look you in the eyes, I want to say I am so sorry
I want to say that I really want to start again, that I still want to try
But there is no taking back all that has come and all that is now the past
I want to recall the way you looked as I walked away out into the night
that final moment as if it wasn't the end, that somehow we could still
make it last.
There was one more reason; there was something left to be said-
but like the tears coupled with all my fears, my words are now dead
I should have looked back- I should have returned
I should have told you that your love was enough
that the fires that are in my heart still burned
that my passions were not just from this wintered season
but that would require me to find one more believable reason.
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