Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sometimes I feel like a man...sometimes I don't

It's like when you are deep into a discussion and you forget what you were talking about because some woman walks by and you wonder what she was like when the two of you were in high school but then you realize she wasn't old enough to get out of the crib when you were in high school and beside that you were an awkward geek with no life beyond the confines of Dungeons & Dragons.

It's like realizing that every TV show you care about came after or before everyone around you and you are not sure anyone if that means that you are too old or too young or simply just the weirdest person you have ever known.

It's like walking down the street and seeing your reflection in a store window, you stop and stare because while you know its you you can't believe that you got so old or fat or bald or all three and then you just decide to go back to your imaginary self because you can still outrun the torch carrying mobs and rescue the girl.

It's like talking to a group of kids and realizing you've read more books than any of them and the joke you just made is so far beyond their experience that the only one laughing now is you and you don't know if it is from your humor or the despair that you crossed the invisible lines between coolness and creepiness and you almost want it back (whatever "it" is or at least was anyway).

Sometimes it's liking some woman only to find out she is really a girl and then not knowing what to say except something stupid as I figuratively backpedal for the door or shore depending on how deep I was about to get.
Sometime it's like finding a book really enjoyable and then trying to talk about it my an elder who then looks at you and says "why are you wasting your time on a kid's book?"

Sometimes I feel like a man...until an adult comes along and reminds me that Men don't spend the time I spend, read the things I read, watch the movies I watch, play video games, dream about love and compassion nor yearn for the unrealized dreams that only I seem to have.

I know I am not unique and then sometimes I don't
feel like a
man.


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